Five-a-Side

The last time I played football was the day after my wedding. It's hard to say which was the most disastrous choice. I only played last night to make the numbers up, and because I thought it would make a change from running, but within five minutes of stomping up and down Temple Park's rock hard surface my thighs felt as if a baby elephant was using them for a mattress. Eventually taking refuge in goal, I dived to make a save and cracked my elbow square off the ground, before banging both knees while trying to make tackles. I jogged home at half-pace, drank a bottle of Tsingtao beer and lay across the coach watching The Apprentice. Next week I think I'll just stick to the last two.