Please let anyone but Portsmouth win the FA Cup. Please let them be patronised to death, their fifteen minutes spoilt by preening hacks saying the big boys didn't care. I can put up with the pain of supporting Newcastle United only as long as the Big Four win everything in sight - and their self-pitying, jester-hatted fans have the contemptible grace to never give a shit.
What we need is a breakaway league for basketcase clubs - the sides with no trophies; the teams who fuck up when it's easier to win. No title winners ever. Second place for all.
And still we'd come third.