No Ifs, No Buts

Unless, that is, you're a Member of Parliament. If Derek Conway had been caught fiddling a few hundred quid while pushing a mop around a kitchen floor, he would've been paying it back out of his fortnightly giro. Instead, he winds up in the naughty corner for a couple of years on full pay, then retires to live off a public pension. Try as New Labour might, the Tories still get all the best scams.