At the risk of sounding cold-hearted, I feel as if a small but cumbersome weight has been lifted since that final exchange of emails with Katka. I realised months ago that there was nothing I needed from her, the only reason I kept in touch at all was to make the divorce as easy and stress free as possible. The simple fact of the matter is that I don't like her as a person: I was sick and tired of her cloying self-indulgence, the thoughtlessly self-pitying emails. Why are some people unable to give up things that they no longer want? Only a lack of self-confidence, I suppose. She wanted me to make her feel special because she fears that she isn't. I didn't want to have to spell it out, but I just couldn't be bothered to pretend any longer.
If that makes me cruel, then so be it.
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