Friday, March 26, 2010

Among the Sex-Pats

"Saw a doco on Odessa last night," went the email from my friend in Brisbane. "It was about the raging sex industry there. Said it was the Bangkok of Europe. Now I know why u went there ;)". Thai comparisons are still a bit of a stretch, but the Irish bar on the main drag is often full of seedy, older, German and English-speaking men and I've already met too many foreigners here who live off undefined "internet work" (online marriage agencies for the most part).

One of them - a fast-balding, thirtysomething American with manboobs and a jagged scar on his forehead - used to live in my flat, which seems to be enough of a link to merit conversation. "Is the bed still propped up on metal? Yeah? Sorry, I broke that," he leered by way of introduction, extending a sweaty hand. "This hot chick totally checked me out when I was walking past the pizza place. I would've gone in and spoilt her boyfriend's night but I'm already fully booked. Got a date tomorrow and a choice of two for the night after that. They're both smokin' hot." I must've looked dubious for a second, because he finally paused for breath. "And I've got the photos to prove it." And the receipts too, I thought sardonically. "Man, what is it with this place? There is nothing on this menu worth drinking. Give me your number and we'll go out sometime. I'll have to hook you up."


Garry Nixon said...

With the implication that he broke the bed through sexual activity involving another person, whereas, of course, it was just this fat bloke masturbating that broke it.

Put him in a pram and shove him down the steps, I would.

Michael said...

Either way, I'm glad I washed the sheets.

Someone's almost taken your advice already. The scar comes from a mugging. Or that's how he tells the story, anyway.

Eilidh said...

'...she was running as fast as a Russian woman to an expat bar' The Exile, possibly still at

'escort services for marriage minded men' Tourist map in Kiev. We were told Odessa was THE place though.

Where are *female* expats similarly sought after?? Africa. I wasn't going to be anyone's novelty shag.

Michael said...

South America, or that's what I heard.

I'm just glad I'm no longer marriage-minded.

Michael said...

Didn't Putin shut The Exile down?