Monday, November 12, 2007

Roger's Profanisaurus

It's long since past its best, but The Viz hasn't completely lost its touch. From Roger Mellie's Magna Farta, the annual edition of foul-mouthed lexicography:

Abra-kebabra - An illusion performed after a night on the raz whereby a kebab is made to disappear down the performer's throat, only to reappear a short time later on the back of a taxi driver's head.

Alcofrolic - A regrettable act of carnal knowledge embarked upon while drunk.

Bee Gees Bite - The first mouthful of extremely hot food that forces the eater to perform the falsetto "ah-ha-ha-ha" intro to Stayin' Alive.

Giraffiti - Graffiti sprayed very high up.

Hotel Toast - A woman who used to be hot.

Nagasaki Tan - A sunbed induced glow of such ferocity that it appears the owner was present at the detonation of an atom bomb.

Peemale - A man who pisses while sitting down.

Sicasso - A colourful bit of pavement art in which can be seen figurative elements of diced carrots, peanuts and crisps.

UB40 Winks - Mid-afternoon nap taken after a hard morning at the telly face.

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